Melbourne to Melbourne, circumnavigating New Zealand, making landfall a few times and doing a sail-by of Milford sound. Alerted to the fact that there are regular Gala or Galah nights, we came suitably frocked up with fancy gear.

Although the current MV Queen Elizabeth is only ten years old, from the art deco design and fittings, she might well have been sailing when the current greying, wobbly and sagging passengers were but little children. Cosy staterooms (their word) with balcony, serviced daily and turndown service with chocolates on the bed at night. Magnificent public rooms; a grand theatre; swimming pools; promenade deck. Elegant grand dining room with stiff white tablecloths, silver, crystal and white gloved waiters. Formal afternoon tea began as a ritual on Cunard ships 140 years ago, and continues to this day. Tea, cucumber sandwiches and scones in the Queens room by day, dancing by night. English pub downstairs on the 2^nd floor and a cocktail lounge 0n the 12th.

Something for everyone. “Chairobics” and line dancing are popular. The casino has lessons in poker machine, beginner and advanced, and there are lessons and tournaments in Bridge. The on-board art gallery is a branch of the English Clarendon gallery. They have originals and prints for sale, and the manager gives talks on life and works of artists like    L S Lowry and Salvador Dali. A spiral stairway connects the upper and lower levels of the library. The parochial bookshop displays a coffee table book – “Shipwrecks of the P&O line”.  There are guest speakers like the lawyer in the Lindy Chamberlain case, a pilot from Concorde and a park ranger talking about New Zealand flora and fauna.

The 830 seat Royal theatre has a different show each night. including musical singing and dancing, three tenors type harmony, duelling cellos, a performance by a Maori troop explained the culture and the dances climaxed with a terrifying Hakka. The fastest pianist in the world, Ashley Carruthers featured at the Royal along with Rock Rhapsody doing the hits from Queen. Music everywhere. The place is littered with grand pianos in the foyers and bars playing everything from classics to Billy Joel. A string trio and a concert harpist elevate the tone of the grand central foyer. Another of the entertainments between formal dinner and the show is to see a line of guys dressed up like penguins giggling outside the lady’s toilets.

Auckland was the first land fall. Their maritime museum counterbalances the sea going and warfaring craft of the early Maoris with trophies of the Americas cup challenges. The Kiwis KZ1, purported to be the fastest monohull in the world, was New Zealands know-how at its finest. In 1988, the result was predictably lopsided, as the KZ1 was no match for Dennis Connors smaller faster catamaran, Stars and Stripes. However, the Kiwis returned in 1995 to take the cup from Stars and Stripes with Black Magic (NZL32) and went on to make a successful defence in Auckland in 2000..

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The absolute highlight of the cruise was a passage through Milford Sound. The New Zealand Fiords are notorious for bad weather and lack of visibility. The icy gale force wind on the front deck was brain stoppingly savage. Monumental shards of rock rose from the water to disappear hundreds of metres above in a foggy mess of racing clouds and mist. Nature at its most menacing majesty.

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Why did we wait so long? It was fantastic. The food, the service, the wine, the entertainment, the food, the luxury facilities, the wine, the lifestyle, the food, the glitz, the wine, and hundreds of people just like us for company. Roll on the next one.